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Oh boy, I'm tired. I had a long day, with a mix of both good and bad. And why does bad always seem to outweigh good? Thanks jerkface, now I don't know how to say what I want to.

Suppose I'll try anyway. As methodically and linear as possible.

Last night Layton took me out, with Leon (not my best judgment call), so I could get some food and spend the night with James. It had been a really long time since I've been able to do that, even longer since Leon was with, and was really nice. And being as it is moving-time, James entertained my going through the dumpsters, or rather, the stuff that was sitting outside them. I was able to get 4 more pillows to add to my ever growing collection and a blanket which I have decided I am going to leave at Layton's for use when I am over there. It is giant, yellow, and reminds me of the ones they give you in the hospital. Yellow. Not my favorite color, but I can deal. It IS a good blanket. They had a bunch of other stuff there, clothes and a chair, that really probably should have been taken to the goodwill. And dammit, I would have taken the chair too, but I already have the one I got from Matt's house. Always upsetting to me to see things thrown needlessly away, but really, what can you do when you have no room of your own to take it in?

While at James' he gave me an Arceus figure that he rescued from being thrown away at work. It's nice. He's nice.

And today I got my pin number. Suppose that's where the trouble got started. There are so many if's that come with it. If not for Thanksgiving, if I hadn't lost my wallet, if I had kept it memorized, if my mom hadn't misplaced my checkbook in the house restoration. If, if, if. If not for all of that...

James came up to my house with me. He had to deposit some money into his bank and pay my mom the rest of the way off for Simon's vet bill. Suppose it was a good thing he did. With my pin came the deposit of 210 dollars into my checking account. For the camcorder. Ended up with cascade failure getting the better of me. Got emotional, angry, depressed, cried on him, all the dumb girl stuff that only I do when things get hard. Things get hard...

Points in a line. I got back home and went on Amazon to order the camcorder. Upon getting there I found out that they raised the price back up to it's original nearly $200 tag. My brain proceeded to explode and I started to shut down. Yesterday the price was $150, two days before that it came with a free battery, and so on. So I've been watching the cascade coming down without realizing that was what was happening. The, "whenever I try to do things, one thing will always go wrong and have that monopoly effect," or "as soon as I get something semi-expensive *for myself* a week later, two at most, they will announce a new model." And while I have learned not to get upset over upgrades, I cannot for the life of me deal with the failures. It's just too much and it's upsetting to the plans I tried so hard to make sure would work right. It's the principle of the thing. Best way I know how to put it.

My mom very nicely offered to let me have her camcorder, when she saw how upset I was, but I declined. It uses mini-tapes and would be of no real use to me. No mini-tape player and no way to transfer them to any other media format. I'll have to tell her thank you for the offer again in the morning.

Now I'm trying to get over it. James was very nice in dealing with all of it and sitting down with me later. We talked about little things, the idea of him getting the Personal Trainer: Walking for the DS, and how if he had room in his room, he might get Wii Fit. And I apologized bunches for being upset. He always tells me it's ok, and I never understand why. Just doesn't seem right to me. Anyway, the whole upsetness ended up throwing off the rest of my night. I was supposed to go with James when he went home so that I could pick up the food and pillows that I forgot at Layton's, but was so tired that I forgot and my mom, who remembered my mentioning it got the food, but not the pillows. I also forgot that I wanted to check Layton's table for the mini-tripod. Did end up ordering the camcorder, 180 dollars to be shipped on the 5th. Fucking new tax law...

Tomorrow I have an appointment to see a massage therapist. This will be interesting.


( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
Dec. 5th, 2009 06:31 am (UTC)
Because emotions suck? Haha, I don't know, but I do know it's very frustrating.
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