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The stuff I don't like to talk about.

I'm trying to be on the computer less. This is a very difficult thing for me to do since the computer is about as private as I can get while not being in my room. But I do far too much of it, to my detriment. I will obsessively check my email and other websites over and over, but not because I think there will be something new. I know there won't be. Just checked it 30 seconds earlier. It's just sort of a... thing. I don't know what else to call it. So I check, over and over, and I'll try to find something else to do, but eventually it always comes back to, check email, check LiveJournal, MySpace, *insert forum here*. Check, check, double check. But it's as private as I can possibly get. So I'm trying to get over my phobia of sitting in the middle of a room (the living room), and having people see what exactly I am doing. Yesterday it was Zombies Ate My Neighbors on the Wii, and today I just sat down in my chair with the PSP to play Breath of Fire III. And today, I got about 20 minutes into it before I was so tired I had to put it down. Plus I was a little stuck and had to look up a gamefaqs guide on the PSP, and locate where I was in it. That's a tedious enough job. Didn't want to touch the computer since I knew I would just find something else to distract me on it.

Maybe I should have tried Zombies again. Probably would have had better luck not getting tired there.

I've been trying to talk my mom and Layton into the possibility of trading me money for food if I'm fully approved. I'll buy the food, they can give me the money. Really have no need for the stuff. 50, maybe, and that would just be getting stuff for James to have around when his dad is there, but not 200. I'd seriously go out and spend it all on sandwiches for homeless people I'm so apathetic about the idea of using it on myself. But I figure I could at least try to get money out of it first before I resort to that. So far I've just got the card, but I don't know if I'm going to be fully approved or denied coverage, and won't until sometime around the 19th I think. Wouldn't be surprised if I was denied. Pretty much expect it.

I don't even like the idea of being on disability anyway. I don't feel I'm the disabled one. It's everyone else because no one else is willing to work with me and around my "issues."

Whatever. Fuck'em.
*god, that sounds so crude*
Ha, that actually made me remember the first time I actually realized that saying shut up was impolite in certain circumstances. :)

Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
fly_among_stars
Nov. 13th, 2009 03:22 pm (UTC)
I know *EXACTLY* what you are talking about! If I can't focus at work, it's just an endless cycle of checking LJ, Facebook, Vatsim forums (flight simulation network), Google News, etc. etc. etc. When I'm not at work and I find myself wasting time on the Internet, sometimes I try to play a video game, even if it's just Runescape or Tetris. But then I get bored of that within a few minutes, and go back to checking sites. I've been able to resist it more lately, but yeah, it's an annoying problem.
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