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How... ?

So I think I've been stressed out today. Today being, since I got out of bed. I don't want to say it has been any more stressful than normal though. Just... more trying.

I'm fully convinced that if I don't get out of this country, I will more than likely be either severely beaten or murdered. And not because I have made enemies, because I have done quite the contrary and actually try my damnedest to stay out of everyones way, but because those troglodytes tend to find issue with that which they don't understand or with things that they perceive to be. Plus politics are making everyone crazy. It's freaking me out a little because I used to think that my neighborhood was a safe and isolated area where I should have no problems. Then they built a school right next to our house. Then they built a highway just down the road from that. Then they built a 911 dispatch center between the both. Ok. So maybe the dispatch center isn't so bad. It attracts police, which I was both annoyed by and at the same time happy to have around today. That is beside the point though.

I don't know what I'm trying to say.

I'm just uncomfortable with everything that is going on in the US. Or maybe world. I don't know. But here at home it's hitting particularly hard. I used to enjoy and felt safe walking the dogs. Not so much anymore, but it's something that needs to be done, and now I can't even do it at night where I could hide in the dark. Someone always notices.

A couple of months ago my mom and I were out going on one of our walks over at the school, which is populated by spoiled morons, and some muslim kid angrily yelled at me and my mom something about being lesbians. My mom who is over 30 years older than me and I have often been told I look quite a lot alike. What? Really? I don't think she heard thankfully.

Today I was yelled at for being a goth by some passenger kid in a car. I was a little upset by the tone in his voice, it came off as sarcastic sounding, but you could hear the animosity that it was emanating, that he was going to jump out of the car and do something. Normally I get pissed and will start screaming, but today I was completely taken aback by it. Sounded like matt, looked like layton's car but in a different color, and I didn't know what to say. I told him he was brilliant or some shit, I don't remember. Too busy trying to forget. :\ And you know, I don't think I look particularly goth on any given day unless I'm going out somewhere. Never wear makeup aside from mascara occasionally, my hair is growing out brown, and I never wear any excessive jewelry or clothing which predominately screams goth. It's just black. Hell, I was even wearing my flats. No boots or anything like that. And lots of people wear black. It's not an uncommon sight. So why me and why then? Do I know that person? I don't think so... So I was extremely unnerved by the entire thing and for the rest of our walk, I had two dogs, leon and izzy, I was afraid that that they were going to come back and finish.

This area used to be extremely friendly and isolated. There was no trouble or trouble makers. I was probably the worst. And then they built the school, and everything started to go to shit. And I suppose that's slightly ironic, because schools are supposed to create a better environment and make the areas a place where you want to live.


( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
Sep. 12th, 2009 10:20 am (UTC)
I know that's why I was so shocked by it, and it's pretty sad. I don't think anyone really understands the damage they do when they "build up" communities like they do. It just makes things harder and forces unwanted change on the people who don't need it.

I guess I'm not surprised anymore why most of the people I used to know when I was a kid have abandoned living around here and moved on.
Sep. 11th, 2009 01:08 am (UTC)
Unfortunately, it seems to me like the amount of hate in this country is increasing rapidly. I guess I should consider myself lucky that I look normal enough on the outside, that nobody targets me. But still, it's a big problem, and it's making me uncomfortable too. I love America, but the recent atmosphere around here has even me wondering if this is the right place for me to live for the rest of my life.
Sep. 12th, 2009 10:37 am (UTC)
I agree with you. I don't understand where the hatred of everyone and everything is coming from. Used to think that our country had a somewhat level head on it's shoulders, but I guess not. :\ This most definitely is NOT the place I grew up.

I love the land but feel in no way it means I also have to love the people who live in it. You are lucky you don't get people harassing you over stupid little things. I'm not sure what else I could give up of myself, if anything, to get it to stop.
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )