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Aug. 25th, 2008

Things are very dark for me. I cannot wander far from home alone without the fear that something may happen and I might not be able to get back again. Today I had to call my mom from 7-11, just a short way down the street, to come get me because I was stalked down the road by 3 guys about halfway to my destination. I just wanted a slushee, but leon wanted to stop and socialize about halfway when they called him over. I had asked layton to go with me, but he didn't want to. He "just wanted to sit" and play his call of duty. I tried calling him once, knowing it would be to no avail, right before everything happened. James tried calling him after, even though I told him it wouldn't help and layton wouldn't answer, and that I was going to call my mom. She agreed to come pick me up, no questions asked, despite the fact that she was in the middle of making dinner. James called repeatedly throughout to make sure I was ok. I was a bit breif with him a couple times, but I did call him to let him know when I was home. I really appreciate him and everything he does even if he can't be there every second of every day.

It has made me realize while I have wanted to, why I haven't really made much of an effort to go through my clothes and get rid of things like my pants and over-sized shirts. I can't. It would make my life that much more difficult if I did. I also can't go anywhere because no one will ever be willing to go with me.

So while everything is said and done, I am well and in no danger, but I am not ok. I'm trying really hard not to think about it, because every time I do, I'll just start crying all over again. It hurts feeling so weak and helpless.