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Ooo, postage.

Yeah, I've been doing a really crappy job of keeping up with this thing. Just haven't been very motivated and have been very down on myself. The past couple weeks have been very hard. I'm trying to come to terms with sex and sexuality. Not meaning the bi-sex, just being a very sexual person in general. It's always been a slightly touchy thing with me because people are either over-enthusiastic about it (and I hate it when most guys hit on me) or get really not-good weird. Also when it comes to boys I've dated and sex, they've always tended to be all sorts of happy about at first, but then quickly realize that it's not quite as great as most men make it out to be. I mean having sex ALL THE TIME, it's fun in theory but when you actually get into it you'll probably find that you can't, or perhaps don't want, to keep up. Anyway, it's really hard because I don't really have anyone I can talk to. I do find I can talk to layton about it though, which is kinda funny if you think about it. I'm taking these things a step at a time and hope to be able to get better and more comfortable with it. Urg. I don't even know what I'm talking about, just that I'm frustrated and confused over the whole subject matter.

I suppose I can start with my breasts. They're tiny. It bothers me. Severely. Everyone knows boobs on girls are like penis' on men. Because of society and all it's pressures that 'bigger is better' (which really is bullshit perpetuated by the males) when it's too small you feel insecure and like something is missing. SO, I have tiny boobs. It has always been a source of anxiety for me and I would really like to have more. Often in the past I've (half jokingly) hassled layton about getting me a boob-job and how his are bigger than mine. When I was on the remeron and gained weight I also gained a little bigger of a bust. It wasn't much but it made me happy. After I got off the medication though I shrunk back down and I think a bit of my self-esteem (and oh, how little I have) went with it. Ouch. But anyway, breast augmentation. I know that isn't possible. Surgery is too expensive. Waaay too expensive. Fucking ridiculously so. But I'm fed up with it so today I started doing searches about enhancment pills. Looking for something that works, works without making me fat and I won't have to take every day for the rest of my life to mantain it. I really didn't expect much though, especially when it comes to not having to take it for the rest of one's life. I remember my mom had some once and reading the bottle it said that it wasn't permanent unless you took them continually. Found beauti-full though and it seems to fill the qualifications. Maybe. I want it, and I want it to work so badly, but if it didn't they have a money back guarantee. So I've been talking to layton about it, layton who tells me that my breasts are just fine the way they are, and he's tenatively agreed to help me. Due to the way things usually end up working with him I won't believe it until I see it, but I'll still hope and in the meantime do my research.

I'd be happy with just one size bigger.

Picture of the day:
Silicone In Plant
by =ChrissieCool on deviantART



( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Apr. 24th, 2008 03:04 am (UTC)
Just a little warning
I tried the herbal approach to breast enlargement years ago, and I was quite disappointed, but not only is everybody's body different, but also I was taking a different mixture of herbs. I'll go ahead and tell you my experiences with what herbs on the list I have taken though.

Fennel and fenugreek had no affect on me, but they also had no side effects and the fennel is pleasant tasting. Damiana is also supposed to be an aphrodesiac, though I never got that effect from it, so might want to use caution with that! I have an abnormally high sex drive most of the time too, and yes, guys do love it at first and get annoyed about it later!

It turns out that Dong Quai, which I was taking recently for perimenopausal symptoms, is what was giving me such severe nausea and diarrhea, so I had to go off of it, but I do tend to be more sensitive to digestive system side effects than most people. I've heard that saw palmetto can also cause diarrhea, but I think that's only if large amounts are consumed.

Kelp I've only had with sushi, but I think it's also recommended for some thyroid conditions. Milk thistle and wild yam I haven't actually tried, but I had both highly recommended by a naturopath for my hormonal issues, which would tell me that they have strong actions on female organs. I haven't heard anything about the rest of the ingredients.

Seriously though, I think you look grreat just the way you are, but I don't know. Maybe given my own size I have a preference that way. (With the weight loss, mine shrunk back down from the B-cups they were last summer, but I got the slim hips that I'm used to back, so it was a good trade off.)
Apr. 30th, 2008 08:10 am (UTC)
Re: Just a little warning
Thank you for letting me know all that. :) That's just that much less I'm going to have to look up. I don't really expect them to work for me either, but I'd still like to try.
Apr. 25th, 2008 06:17 am (UTC)
Well, *I* for one prefer smaller breasts. By a lot. They're usually more sensitive, too, it seems.
Apr. 28th, 2008 07:23 pm (UTC)
You would be the first person I have met who has actually said that. I think I'm in shock.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )