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Am I too skinny?

I'm supposed to be going out with james today. Last night was terrible. I talked with him about some problems I've been having, and that caused me to cry a lot. Food problems and how it's making me miserable. I wish it were so simple as just eating. If it were then I suppose I would do it, because this is anything but fun. I lost another 2 pounds and am now down to 104. I've NEVER been this low before, except for when I was supposed to be, and it scares me. Even my skinny pants feel like they're falling off. I keep telling myself that this is ok. I'm naturally skinny, this isn't anorexia like I've been conditioned into thinking. I know that there are people out there like me, naturally skinnier than anyone thinks is healthy, who don't have the urges to eat... But I'm also terrified beyond belief that it is no longer that. The conditioning and condemnation of anorexia. Because, see, when you're fat you would never get people, strangers, giving you funny looks, whispering behind their hands and telling you how you should be eating. But when you're thin that is exactly the reactions people give. Eat more, you're too skinny, you know don't have to be thin to be pretty, and you're the reason behind anorexic girls. GOD DAMMIT, LEAVE ME ALONE. I'm not any of it, and don't want to be criminalized and demonized for not being fat like everyone else. That's one of the reasons I started pulling the fat people trick a long time ago and started wearing clothes that hide my frame, too big and layered up. I got sick of the comments. Corsets also disguise that fact by telling people that you laced yourself in to look that thin. Not to mention it also makes me feel a tad better. I can't stand to see myself naked or in mirrors without my bulk. It disgusts me too much, all the bones.

God, look at that. This fear has turned me into a rambling, ranting mess and I forgot what I was doing. It's become slightly funny I guess. Where most females are paranoid about being to fat, I'm paranoid that I'm too skinny. If you see me and think I'm too thin, don't comment on it, just offer to get me something to eat. Because anything else will just do damage.

I talked to james last night, cried a bunch because my ribs hurt from losing so much weight so fast, and tried to explain how it was more than a 'just eat something' issue. Still don't think he gets it, but that's ok. He told me that we're going to stop in somewhere to eat. Makes me uncomfortable, the idea of someone spending money because of me, and the social anxieties of eating in public, but I'm trying to deal.