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So, there is this song, sugarfalls by tapping the vein, (I posted lyrics earlier in the week) that I feel fits me perfectly. Because I don't know what I'm doing here, what the point is, but I'm still waiting and wishing for something more, just like I've always waited. Probably because I don't know what else to do. And I've had a particularly rough night. It feels like no one wants me around. Everyone has been irritable at me and I just wish I hadn't been out. I wish I had stayed home. Seems like I've been nothing but a burden. As always. Layton has been what seems nothing but annoyed, and james just wanted to play castlevania on his psp and complain about how my handwriting is 'chicken scratch' when I wanted to talk to him and when I explained what I wrote. Because I write in bubbles. I currently can't differentiate teasing from seriousness and it's all hit too close to home.

But layton did get me to see the deer, and I got to chase them in dirty wet socks. I think that was my highlight. I got my deer. My sugar.

But now that I'm home and alone, I'm crying. I've cried a lot this week. Completely irrational tears. It makes me think the depression is finally sneaking back in, in a way that I can't fight. And that just makes me cry more. I need an escape. Please bast, let me have my escape.

Found a piece of broken glass on our table at the noc noc. Being drunk and stupid I did you-know-what with it. Didn't bleed much. Just a thin pink line left over... but I was doing so well before that... My arm was starting to clear up.

What am I waiting for? Waiting for the sugar to fall over me and life to be sweeter. That's what I'm waiting for.

I have hiccups again, for the third time tonight. No fix this time. Alone.