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Aug. 20th, 2007

Ok, is it just me or are a lot of the actresses on tv looking severely anorexic again? Like it's somehow come back into style. Hm... I dunno, maybe it's just me.

I've been very preoccupied and sort of stressed out over this past week. It's making me break out a lot and I hate it. Makes me feel so fucking unattractive. And lets just ignore for a moment how painful it is too. Makes me not want to be around people because I'm afraid that's all they'll see. :( Not pretty. And I don't feel attractive in the first place so this just makes it 10 times worse. I'm fat in some places; and the fat is never even on both sides of my body so I feel compelled to eat less (less than what? nothing? because if I eat less that's what I'll be eating is nothing) hoping that would change the problem (and at the same time knowing for a fucking fact it won't); too bony in most others, like in my hips which don't seem even, and I just... hate the way I look. I'm starting to have anorexic elbows I think and I hate those. I just hate elbows in general. On people with a little fat (not excessive) they look ok, good even, but with skinnier people, they just look disgusting. All boney and pokey. I hate being alone and seeing myself nude in mirrors and such. It makes me start picking out flaws in myself so I'll avoid it when I can.

Anyway, I'm moving on now because dwelling on that topic makes me cry.

I really love rule of rose, like greatest game I have ever fucking played, so I've been trying to find more games like it. Survival horror I guess. In my search I came across one that I had wanted to get quite awhile back, in 2004 I think, called fatal frame. Your basically running around with a camera taking pictures of ghosts. Sounds a little hokey to most people, but I thought it was a fascinating idea at the time because it combines the two things I love. Cameras and scary shit. :) I'm not sure where I would find it now though I've not been looking since I'd forgotten, and I imagine it's still a little more expensive than I would like, but I can deal. Told james about it and he said he would keep an eye out. I also think I would like to get haunting ground. That one sounded good, what little I read of it anyway. Another one to look for.

Work is done. I'm working thursday and then I'll just be on-call. Shit has happened with charlene and she can't afford to pay me. Basically the guy who was going to buy their property to build houses on is pulling out because he's an asshole and the housing market is down again so they're probably going to be strapped for cash for a little bit. I'm ok with that though. At the moment it's a relief. Maybe I'll look for another job later, I don't know, but whatever happens happens and I will take these as they come.

Went down to james' place after work today since I got off at noon. I had time to kill and thought I would get the wii and zune out of the way. Only I forgot his zune up here so I'll have to take it back down there on wednesday so that I can make him do that. Can't believe I did that. I'm such an idiot. He showed me a demo for bioshock. It looks great and makes me want to get a 360 more. I think layton would like it and if he saw it that might make him get one. Ha. That's like me and the PSP when it first came out. I didn't want it initially, detested, loathed and swore I would never get one, but time wore me down and now it's become a must have. :P But I think I would probably rather play bioshock on a pc. Seems like one of those games that was built for the pc and somehow ended up on a regular system as well. Not so random I guess. It is microsoft after all.

Fuckin' whatever. I don't know what it was made for initially but does it really matter what it's on anyway? At least you don't have to upgrade systems every 6 months because something in your hardware or software is outdated. Most systems anyway. *cough*psp*cough* <.< >.>

Picture of the day: Book of Lies.