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So...

I used to have this boyfriend. He was sweet, gentlemanly and when I was upset or scared he would stick around and try to cheer me up. This guy I used to know seems to have run away though. Now I have this boyfriend who when I'm upset he tries to buy my happiness with material crap, even when I've told him not to and that it won't make me feel better, and when things get too rough he just totally splits. When I ask for his support or help in something he gets mad and screams at me. He dwells on his problems and instead of changing things that he wants, he whines about everything that he didn't get to do in life. I try and support him, to give him well wishes and tell him that I love him but I don't seem to get the same in return. Not anymore. I don't know what changed. The people he hangs with maybe. I've noticed that. People change people.

Layton has been ditching me a lot when we go out. Tried to talk to him about it, his doing it last saturday. It made me uncomfortable. I guess I can understand though. Why would someone like him want to be seen with a person like me? I'm a fucking bore and a bitch. Half a face with no brains. He gets mad at me when I want to go home, I'm sorry I'm not having fun sitting by myself. He gets mad at me when I want to stay home, I'm sorry I would rather leave myself out than be left out. He uses work as an excuse for things a lot. If I want to do something with him he's usually too tired because he's been working all day. An hour after he comes over he'll usually fall asleep and be out until he goes home. If a show comes up that I want to see I usually keep quiet about it because I already know the answer. It's a weekday, he's working. When a show comes up that he wants to see, weekday or not, I'll go with him even if it's not my favorite. Even getting him to play something as stupid as tetris or checkers with is a chore. So I stop trying. I don't bring up things I want to do anymore. I just ask for support and expect rejection.

I try and work things out... but he doesn't respond. He just asks for me to attack him. So in the end that's all I end up doing.

Picture of the day: My Utopia

Addendum - I guess one thing that is still as true now as it was then is that, even if it takes awhile, when I am upset at a particular person or iussue he gets upset over it as well. Sometimes more than I.