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Have had a lot on my mind. Very distracted and preoccupied today. Went out to eat with layton and james so that they could talk, and I forgot what I had left when we left. Felt like a super idiot after, when I realized that.

I guess I really do look like that dismal of a person. On friday after getting off the phone with james, I was stopped by a bouncer to talk. He was surprised that I was smiling and told me as much. My excuse, I said it was because I was drinking. Guess I and my 'smile' has been the subject of debate by a few people there in the week(s) past. I was very weirded out when I heard that, but it amused me nonetheless. Guess I just do look that dejected all the time. I mean, I smile, I just don't smile like everyone else. Never have and with good reason. I guess it's a lot smaller and more internal than I realized. Made a couple jokes over lunchdinnerstuff after asking james if he thought as much. 'I'm so goth the muscles in my face have atrophied' and 'I'm so goth, when I smile people ask me what's wrong.' The first is a little bit more extensive but that's just how I felt. There are a bunch on that stupid list dealing with that vein I can use in almost complete seriousness. Boo. I can't help it though. All I can say is, I do smile and just because you don't see or notice it doesn't mean it's not there.

James left, or perhaps it was forgot, his warcraft hoodie in layton's car when he got out so I brought it in the house and fixed the zipper he had messed up. Should work fine and like normal now.

Picture of the day: A New Dawn

It doesn't walk like a duck
Man's body found in front of TV year after death
'Cheer-up' can be insulting to depressed person

goth #1: I'm so goth the smile muscles in my face have atrophied.
goth #2: I'm so goth the smile muscles in my face never GREW.
goth #3: What's a smile?


( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
Feb. 20th, 2007 12:23 pm (UTC)
"'Cheer-up' can be insulting to depressed person"

Boy do I know that feeling! I had just recently found the image for this icon and finally figured out how to put the text on there to complete it. Maybe to some people the image doesn't fit the text, but I kow that when I get into one of those depressions, the LAST thing I want is people trying to cheer me up. (Best intentioned efforts are likely to be met with screaming, if not clawing, biting, hitting!)
Feb. 23rd, 2007 08:36 am (UTC)
Yeah, it's so terrible!

I'm always horrified when I see and hear people being so insensitive to stuff like that. Recently it was a teacher berating a parent who's daughter was suffering from depression. Apparently it's a pretty severe thing in their family and her father had commited suicide earlier in her life. The teacher said her depression was nothing and she should get over it. Something along the lines of 'all she needs is fresh air and she would be fine' before saying it was all the mother's fault and that she was probably the only reason behind it. It was so sad to see, and even worse to think she's a teacher.
Feb. 24th, 2007 11:06 am (UTC)
That teacher should be FIRED!

But unfortunately, there's a lot of that attitude out there. My roommates are encouraging me with getting myself on a long-term prescription for antidepressants, but there's still a lot of "You could just kick yourself out of it of you really wanted to" attitude and no tolerance, or even belief in, my migraines. They come down on me harder or give me this disgusted look of disbelief when I have one and really can't do anything for a while. HELLO! Stress = major migraine factor! That's when I most need people to back off!

I'm gonna stop before this turns into a rant. But the icon shows both what the migraines feel like and how people with that kind of attitude make me feel. :)
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )