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DON'T SAY A GOD DAMN THING... please

Ok, I'm going to admit something here and I don't want anyone to jump on my back about it...

Skinny is my high. It makes me happy to see bones. Love the feeling. *cough*it'sbetterthansex*cough* Don't like to say it though, so instead I'll act concerned about my weight gain and loss. And I am about the loss, but not even a quarter as much as I freak over the gain. I understand anorexia, and I'll never be too terribly anorexic looking. I don't think I can. Consume way too much sugar. Especially when I'm drinking. Only since I got off the remeron I've gone a little crazy in the head and don't know what would be an acceptable place to stop. 110 pounds? Before the meds I was happy at 112. Now it's a no. 100... maybe. Right now, at this very second I am 117.5. If I go below 100 I'll really start doing severe damage to myself and my body and I get that. My mind is just fucked right now. Ha, so what's worse? Starvation or cutting. Starvation I think. Cuts heal. But then no one notices when I don't eat. When I start going down slowly. Only I see that. Everyone notices when I cut if I don't keep them covered. Can't win for losing.

Ok. Done with that tiny admission. Feel free to yell at me now.

Going to visit james on wednesday. Maybe seattle. Maybe. Dunno though. Today layton took me to the goodwill and I got a clock. Only one they had that would have been acceptable. He got it for me. Couldn't find anything else. They had nothing, which was surprising, but I don't need anything else. Have too much stuff as it is. I'm happy with just that.

Picture of the day: Mind Power 1