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Never was and never will be

I want to change things, little things, but I don't know how that would affect me and what happens so instead I'm just sitting here at the computer desk. Another day in my house alone, nothing new. Still looking at the same 6 pages I looked at yesterday, the day before and everyday. Still talking to the same 2 people about the same things I was talking about yesterday, the day before and everyday. It's sad but it's safe, and I would rather be sad and safe, than happy and doing things that would possibly put me at the eventual risk of a mental spiral. I know what to expect from everyone and the things around me. It's always the same. Unchanging nothings. Childish fears.

I made a hole in the back of my hand again. It hurts so bad when it accidentally gets touched. Swollen leaking plasma since it can't bleed. It went numb and I didn't know to stop. Habits of the fearful.

Picture of the day: It's Okay