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Katze (9:51:02 PM): if I could get money, and if you wouldn't complain too terribly, I'd help with the fabric part
Savior (9:52:10 PM): : )
Savior (9:52:22 PM): I have to figure out what I really want to do
Katze (9:52:43 PM): I know
Katze (9:52:58 PM): I'm jes sayin'
Savior (9:53:07 PM):
: )
Savior (9:53:11 PM): you're so sweet
Katze (9:53:23 PM): only because I like to feel useful
Katze (9:54:17 PM): just like every other useless person out there
Katze (9:54:19 PM):
:)
Savior (9:54:33 PM): lol
Savior (9:54:35 PM): : )
Katze (10:00:31 PM): well you are a self professed usless person, don't you like it when you feel useful?
Katze (10:00:47 PM): *no offense, you said it first*
Savior (10:01:32 PM):
: )
Savior (10:01:39 PM): I like feeling useful
Katze (10:01:54 PM): ok, then point proven
Savior (10:06:34 PM):
mhmm


Ewww... I'm a little bit panicky right now.  Ok that's a lie, I'm a lot panicky.  It doesn't feel good and I don't know what to do about it.  Eventually if something isn't done about it, it is going to break way into depression.  Yay.  Mom has gone to the temple with dad today.  Normally she would be working, don't know why that changed this week.  Still explains nothing...  I keep thinking about things I probably shouldn't.  Useless things and it's bringing me discontentment.  Like how useless I am.  Can't ever seem to do much of anything right and no one ever needs/wants my help.  All I can ever do it seems is offer advice and comfort.  Like to lauren when her and her fiancee seperated.  Since she lives on the other side of the states all I could do was send hugs her way and recommend some melatonin pills for her insomnia, stupid crap like that.  Couldn't actually hang out and do stuff... just... wow, this is really depressing.  And then there was last weekend when james was upset and I couldn't do anything.  Couldn't even say the right thing, whatever it was he wanted or needed to hear.  And I know that he's said what he needs, but whenever he gets upset he seems to blow it off.  Anyway, it ended up going over badly because I'm so stupid and I ended up getting upset myself and leaving him to his own.  Probably shouldn't have even been online then anyway.  Fuck.  I feel so fucking stupid when I try to say anything anyway.  I think I'm going to get drunk.  Stupid shit.  The only things that depend on me in any sort of way are the morning glory seeds I bought and planted yesterday and the tree that my mom got me back when my sister graduated.  And that tree only half depends on me.  I'm sure my mom would take care of it if I weren't around.  Errr... I don't know.  Eager to please and make others happy.  Or completely miserable, but that's only if I hate them and I don't tend to hang around people I hate.  But neither ever end up working quite right and I end up messing myself up more.  I have no confidence in myself and not much to really justify my being here and around.  Just slowly and painfully dying.

I wish I was alone, but I can't stand the company.

I was thinking today about this thing I tak away in.  I write a lot in here.  I'm sure it gets annoying to read but I don't want to have to privatize anything that I don't have to.  Then I remembered, I can backdate most of it and that solves it.  People don't have to read my crap that often and if they really wanted to all they would have to do is visit this stupid page.  I just don't want anyone to have to deal with my stupid problems.  I know everyone has enough of their own.


Picture of the day:  Devils and Dust