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Mar. 6th, 2006

Got drunk last night, to see if I still could. It was nice I suppose but just because I can, doesn't mean I should, and I know I shouldn't. My body can't handle it (or anything else) for whatever reason. Sucks. I'm going through withdrawal. Can't sleep, really really light headed, slightly shaky, feel very sick and my god damn head won't stop. Called up layton, said no more booze for me and he had a fit. As usual. I knew he was going to do it. He hates it when I do this, even though it has nothing really to do with him. I've told him that it's all fine and dandy if he wants to drink/get drunk around me, I'm not going to give a shit. I just don't want to do it myself because of what it does to me after. How uber-fuxx0rd I am. I just wish I could make him feel it. Make him understand why I can't do all these different things. Why, no matter how low the dose, I can't take painkillers (for fun or otherwise) because eventually I'll get sick and start throwing up. Why I don't enjoy fish and meats because it makes me feel funny inside. Why I shouldn't drink because I go through what I can only classify as withdrawals after. I DON'T WANT TO BE AN ALCOHOLIC DAMMIT!

Right now it feels like my left arm is going to fall off. Dunno why. It kinda sucks.

Yesterday I got mad at layton. Yelled at him for being childish about something. He's like a dog or a small child sometimes. Does his attitude thing and is 'bad' because he wants attention. He doesn't feel like he gets enough so he has fits when something happens that he doesn't like, I end up yelling at him, and he goes more childish, whining and pouting, and I get more mad and it goes on and on. Back and forth. So I got mad at him, he started going on about how he does it for attention and I asked if he likes what he gets when he does. It was a 'Nope, because you yell at me.' So then LOGICALLY that would mean you should probably stop doing what you're doing and find another way to get what you want, in the way that you want it. But nothing about him is logical. So I go nuts.

10:45... been up since 7... in and out of sleep before then... I think I'm going to take a melatonin pill to get myself some sort of sleep. Don't think I'll see jane today because of my sick.

Picture of the day: EuphOria

Now all that's left is a feeling very grim
alone and left to think about the stupid thing
Yes, she would fly into a rage
and he would cry in his tantrum cage
a replay of this dumb charade