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It's all so strange being me sometimes

It's funny. I'm having a mental breakdown right now, but it's a strangely happy thing while still being the saddest thing in the world. I'm still crying my eyes out, but I'm also laughing too. It's like when you finally hit the end of your rope and you can see it, but you don't care anymore because in the larger scheme of things that rope really doesn't matter. And you know that life sucks and it probably won't ever get better but it still doesn't matter. Hopeless romantic...

It's kind of ironic what I find to be beautiful in life. I find beauty in the broken and discarded things. Those dolls and stuffed things that you find thrown out on the side of the road, limbs missing and perhaps even half crushed. But I will pick up these things and find my beauty. They are dirty and have been discarded. Thrown aside by the world because they no longer want or have a use for it. It's the type of beauty that makes me cry. In a rather strange happiness that comes only from your deepest depressions. And I'll pick them up and take them home and set them in places where only I will be able to see them and where I know that they can still be loved.

Perhaps this comes from being a broken thing myself, because I know what it's like. Or perhaps I really am just that damn insane.


"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse.
"You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

~ The Velveteen Rabbit

Picture of the day: Cracked china doll

Comments

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
onebloodymess
Nov. 18th, 2005 10:20 am (UTC)
I've always loved that quote.
schwarzkatze
Nov. 22nd, 2005 05:53 am (UTC)
Yeah, it's one of my favorites.
savvynavi
Nov. 21st, 2005 06:37 pm (UTC)
Did you cry when the boy in American Beauty was showing his new girlfriend the video he took of a plastic bag dancing in the wind? I did... :''(
schwarzkatze
Nov. 30th, 2005 07:50 am (UTC)
Actually I didn't (I was dying my hair at the time) but chances are I would have if layton hadn't been in the same room. I do things like that a lot over commercials and they are what could be considered some of the dumbest tv commercials in the world. Like the one with the lady ringing her bell for the salvation army. I have to try really hard not to cry over that one.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )