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See? Swearing=Stress+Lack of Communication

Well everything just fucking sucks. I've spent my entire god damn day under so much fucking stress I can't even believe that I'm still dealing. I've been tired and crying and while mom said that I do have a choice in if I want to go or not, she doesn't seem to understand no. I want to go, I just can't. I don't want to be seperated from my baby and I need my id for everything, not just the plane. There is no way you can get around without it. And I don't want to deal with the airlines. Taking off my boots, having to pack everything in one teeny carry-on bag and oh yeah, that's another thing. My bag. I haven't even fucking packed yet and we're leaving at 9 tomorrow. MY FUCKING MEDICATION DOESN'T LET ME UP BEFORE NOON. So I have 12 hours to get all my shit together, make sure I have everything and get a new (temporary) id. It's bullshit I won't be able to lace up my boots all the way and I don't think I'll be able to sew on the fucking flight. What the fuck else am I supposed to do? I don't know. I'm too stressed and everyone seems so excited that I get to go. I don't fucking care about any of it. I really don't. Once in a lifetime type thing, sure, but I'm not going to be able to go and be around people that I WANT to be around. I don't want to go with my family. I want to go with someone who I'm going to enjoy sharing a room with for 8 days. Someone who isn't going to get pissed at me for wanting to play video games all fucking night and sleep in until noon the next day. And I really don't want to sleep on a fucking cot, but those rooms weren't made for a family of five. I've all but screamed at everyone I DON'T WANT TO FUCKING GO, but my mom keeps on insisting that, oh, I can get around everything. Sleep in my fucking clothes, don't take my medication, go to bed early. I CAN'T FUCKING DO THIS. Dear god. I just keep breaking down more and more.

And I'm stressed and I'm crying and that makes me more stressed so I cry more.... I have to weigh the pro's and con's. Right now the only pro is bats day, and just from what I've heard from mom, I won't even get to do that because it's on a fucking sunday. I really don't want to go right now.

Picture of the day: Northern California series: 3

Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
savvynavi
Aug. 23rd, 2005 06:05 pm (UTC)
*sobs* Although as much as I love Disneyland I know how you feel. I went alone with my dad once, and we drove. It was hard... he's a complainer. And he has a short temper. As much as I wanted to see Disneyland, it really does matter who you go with. If you go, you'll probably hate Disneyland for the rest of your life because the terrible memories that were created there.

Someday I want to get a big group of friends together and go to Disneyland. That's like a dream for me, to be there with everyone I love. But... we have to wait until everyone can afford such a trip. So it will be a while.
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