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You cannot know

You cannot know how badly I want to hurt you right now
How badly I want to take my little glass sliver of a tounge
And slide it across your cheek
To watch you, horrified at me
Blood slowly running down your face

I want to make you hate me
To make you detest and loath me
So you cannot stand to be around me
For even one second
When I see you on the street

I want to laugh coldly in your face when you protest
To see you stammer about how I'm not this way
How I don't mean it
I want to say
'You really don't know me very well at all'

I'm fighting with myself now
To keep silent and quiet
I don't want you to hate me
I just want to be your misery