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So right now I'm finishing off some tea I made a little bit ago, knowing I'm probably not gonna eat anything later on. The thought has crossed my mind to make some soup or something but it's just not that appealing to me at this moment. It's been so long since I've made tea and actually drank it, all of it. Right now the one of choice is calming tea mixed with apple cider. The stuff tastes like crap otherwise. Or mostly crap. I think it's just that I don't know how to make it. It's always seemed so watery and tasteless to me otherwise. Brett, the one who really got me into it, promised me one day that he would show me a really good cup of the stuff. That was after I had met his mom and fucked up everything. I do that a lot, I fuck things up with everyone. Must be like my job or something.

My day has been crap for the most part. Been pretty fucking depressed and in the mood for death. I cried a semi-lot. It hurt. Don't really think anyone noticed though. Contemplated killing myself a lot too. I need company. One person I don't normally/very rarely see to sit with and talk to face to face. Not over the internet, not over the phone. I can't have that though so I'll just go talk to my dolls and stuffed animals instead when I get done here. Used to do that a lot when I was younger. But then they were my only friends. Never could stand people. Now I've got social anxiety disorder.

Tomorrow. The day before thanksgiving. James', and everyone else's, TDSO. If he did as I asked and he said then I won't be going. I have to wonder if I made the right decision. Should make layton call holly just for good measure. I'd call her myself but this past week I've been extremely anti-social. I hurt too much inside and I'm terrified of offending someone, anyone. It's gone back to being physically painful to breath. I hate being so sad that it hurts.

Thanksgiving, when we're supposed to be "thankful." It's all bullshit in my mind. Dad has us all sit down before dinner and have us list off what we're grateful for, and it had better not be superficial either. I hate holidays. This one was generated so everyone will kill off millions of turkeys. One of these days it's gonna end up being turkey genocide. No more funny looking gobbler birds.

Picture of the day: GG Purple Dungeon (female nudity)

Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
savvynavi
Nov. 26th, 2004 02:54 am (UTC)
Carrie!
Girl, don't feel bad at all about being anti-social or the likes. I have to admit I feel bad that I havn't gotten ahold of you in a long time. I really would like to hang out again. Things just don't slow down in my neck of the woods, and often it gets frustrating. But at the very least, I hope I can get myself to call you, I would love to talk and see what's up. Are you cool with that? I just don't want you to feel awkward in any way, I have periods of anti-socialness, and I can understand it's hard to get yourself to be uppity enough to carry on a conversation at times. I won't be offended if you don't feel like talking, I totally understand. Just let me know if you're cool with me calling and I will call you and try my best to spare you from unessessary boredom. :)

Don't worry about the smash off, James told me when we went to central to visit Brian that you wouldn't be able to make it. I should have called you and told you I got the message. Bah. But yeah no worries, we have many more chances to hang out.

I should really make a post on my LJ soon. I don't know why, but it's really hard for me to make a post from scratch. It's easier for me to just reply to someone else's and go from there. I have a problem with that for some reason. I think I just don't like talking if I'm not SURE someone's not listening. Well I'm hoping to at least write about the smash off since there was a lot of note-worthy things that happened.

Heh anyway yeah, let me know how you're feeling and I'll call you up soon if that's cool. :)
schwarzkatze
Nov. 27th, 2004 10:19 am (UTC)
Re: Carrie!
Both of the times that I asked james if he talked to you he said yes, I freaked anyway though. It's my in my nature to do so. It's what I get for being paranoid. I'm glad to hear your smash off was good. :) Sorry I was in a crap-tastic mood and had to cancel. I'm doing better now though. And yeah, you don't need to ask my permission to call. It's all up to you, the time, and your schedule.

savvynavi
Nov. 30th, 2004 02:38 am (UTC)
Re: Carrie!
Man I wish I had time to hang out this month.. I know it's gonna suck because of the music project and work (and right now, school) but maybe when school's out in a week, I will feel a new sense of freedom. Hopefully we can hang out then. But yes I will try to call you soon, within this week and see what's up.
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