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FAIL

I seriously hate how lazy I've gotten about updating. Shame on me. :(

Anyway, hi.

Haven't been too terribly busy. Halloween was boring as fuck. I seriously did nothing, just got to carve my pumpkin a few days before and that was about it. Layton had said earlier in the week that if he was going anywhere that I was going with no matter what. And, of course, he did go out... and I did not go with. Everything went just as I had expected because I'm an easily forgotten person. He did ask James though, but James decided he wanted to come up and spend the day with me. Was feeling pretty depressed about it all, so it was all very welcome and I appreciated it more than he'll probably ever know. Especially when Layton started texting me about how his night was going. Then I just handed my phone off to James so I wouldn't end up getting any more depressed than I was trying not to be already. It ended with us just watching a Addams Family marathon that was on tv. I think that's one of, if not, my all time favorite show.

If people don't like me, or if someone knows that someone else doesn't, I wish they would just tell me. I hate how fake the world is and how much harder this falseness makes it to navigate.

The next day Layton came over before heading home, no idea why that was, but he looked like complete and utter shit. Told me he had been puking every 2 hours like clockwork. And so, even with as annoyed as I still was with him, because I can't be mean, negative or angry towards anyone no matter how hard I want or how much they may deserve it; I made him eat a banana, gave him 2 glasses of milk and kept offering him other foods right up until the point where he decided he was ok to make it home. Was good in that I was able to give him the bananas that I had for James.

And Wednesday, I had a day to make up for all the crap. My new glasses came (they're blue now), James picked up his final results for his GED (passed with flying colors), and I got a call from the SSI office saying I've been approved for disability. So my "income" has now doubled from 300 some odd dollars plus food stamps to something like 640 and I'll still be getting 200 for food. This is exciting for me because it means I can now seriously entertain the idea of being able to drive, among other things. :) I plan to go out to eat with James at a Korean or Thai restaurant too. Oh, I also plan to go out and get a big fat sub sandwich from subway. It's amazing what sorts of things you'll start missing when you can't get them anymore.

On Friday I ended up going down to Layton's for the night and it was quiet and nice. The exact opposite of when I was down there last time. Saturday Layton wandered off with Nick to pick mushrooms out in the middle of the woods. Chetty was really upset by it because he's trying to take care of his life, and Layton isn't exactly being cooperative despite the fact that he accepted him as a roommate. I *tsk-tsked* because Layton knows how I feel about his going out to do that. When they came back Nick ended up stopping in. Apparently this was horrible for me because, despite the fact that it was only 2 minutes at most, I ended up having a horrible panic episode and when I couldn't deal with it anymore I took a zoloft and called Layton to say I was sorry and explain that I can't have Nick around me in any way shape or form. There is just something about him that triggers major distrust, disgust, and now panic. But I don't want to get in the way of anyone's friendships and know random encounters are inevitable, so I'm only asking to be warned in advance before these people come around so I can vacate the area.

I'm just trying to get my shit together and to a somewhat normal state, so I really can't deal with people who cause the post traumatic stress to get any worse. :(