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I'm just pissed tonight.

So the conversation pretty much goes along me telling him that none of this has a god damn thing to do with me. Telling him exactly what women don't want, what they do want, how to fucking fix it, telling him I have tried to give him the tools to help himself (all of which he has reject at some point) and then finalizing by telling him I'm tired of being his Domme. Because I am. Telling him he's not a failure and stop acting like a child isn't working, telling him what to do and when to do it isn't working, giving him choices isn't working, and letting him take care of himself... ultimate failure. And I know it won't stop any time soon, he's too much of a fucking sadist. It's just too hard to do with him and I'm actually happy with where I am in my relationship.

I swear to god, I'm going to have to take him by the ear, which is really much harder to do when you don't live with the guy, and force him to do all these things that he doesn't want to. Even if it means I have to treat him like a child. Which he would probably get off on. Not that I really care either way. I just don't feel like having it cause any more problems with my current relationship that I have now.


I'm just getting all sorts of frustrated calls and having all sorts of disparaging conversations tonight and I'm really not happy about it.

Everyone fucking lies.

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
20splinters
Jun. 20th, 2009 10:54 am (UTC)
I was going to give advice here, but not only did you hit on some of what I was going to say and say that it probably wouldn't work, but also, I'm not sure if he reads this, and the advice absolutely will not do any good if he's aware of what you're doing. So either reply to my next post on THIS journal, which I'm pretty sure he doesn't have access to, or reply by email and I'll give you my two cents!

Chin up and all that babble! Sometimes you go on and survive just to spite them!
schwarzkatze
Jun. 20th, 2009 01:48 pm (UTC)
Oh, I don't care if he reads this or not. He's, fortunately, not that psycho or stupid. :) He's just a little frustrating at times. I have tried so many times to give him the tools to fix things for himself, have tried to do them for him, and have tried to go 50/50. None of which have worked. Apathy at it's finest. To put it in a sort of perspective, most recently I offered to go with him to a mixed martial arts place down the road because for about two days he actually had an interest in doing it. And I fully encourage it because I think it would give him more self-assurance and self-esteem, which he desperately needs. But then at the last minute he decided that "he was fine and didn't need to do it." :|

So it's frustrating because I am no pro domme and don't have the skills to deal with him the way he needs to be dealt with. And because of that, it sometimes ends up affecting my current relationship negatively.

I'm running on maybe an hour of sleep and severe anger at what has ended up happening tonight, so my cognitive functions aren't exactly at their highest they've ever been. So basically, whatever you feel should be said, you can say it here.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )