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I want a smoke...

This is a problem.

If I have a good morning, everything is guaranteed to go difficult and give me a bad night. James gave me a good morning, and everything went funny after that, so tonight I'm spending my time alone and feeling bad. Insecurity issues suck, I have no reason to feel this way. I knew he was going to go with mike. He'll be gone all night. I want him to, it's good for him. I don't want to keep him home all the time, but shit like this makes me not want to have good mornings or days. I just get to be around so few people so little and this makes me want to isolate myself even more. Even from the ones I live with, and the ones I love. I just get to see so few people what feels like so little, that I can't help it.

Maybe if I had a job... Maybe this wouldn't happen so often.

So I've just been watching stuff on the dvr all night. Dead Leaves, NCIS, and currently Elizabeth: The Golden Age even though I think that a Laurel and Hardy film would be a better choice in my current mind state.

Would kinda like to go see the nutcracker. Have always wanted to go do something like that.

I'm tired and everything hurts.