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This vay-kay-shun was good for me. I've spent most of my time in bed or on my computer and I've come to the realization that I'm fucking lost. Got too caught up in trying to be too many things. So now I'm digging back to my roots and I'm going to fix that. I don't care how incredibly cheezy or obcene I get, I'm going to get back to being myself. It's my life and I can please only one person a day. Today isn't your day and tomorrow isn't looking good either.

OK! So, this starts off with I'm a goth girl. (oh my god, what have I done?! how could I admit that!) And ONLY a goth girl. What does that mean? It means don't get so fucking specific. No steam, cyber, neo-victorian, vampire, perky, kitty, whatever-the-fuck-crap. It's The Cure, Bauhaus, Joy Division, Siouxsie and the Banshees, bats, spiders, candles, big stompy boots, dark makeup, and mother-fucking-punk.

*sigh* :)

This is going to be really incredibly difficult. Like learning to walk again I suppose. I'm always so happy when I'm listening to Siouxsie and the Banshees and I'm tickled pink listening to Black Heart Retrospective (except for the nin and skinny puppy), so why the hell do I do it so little? Because I'm too caught up in everything and everyone else out there. And I have a little of fucking everything. I have over 30 gigs of music files and am constantly getting more. When I get home tomorrow I'm going to fix that though. Everything I don't listen to on a regular basis is gone. I'm also trying to not disturb layton when he's home. I think he hates my music (big surprise). He's never shown any interest in anything I like. But I don't give a flying fuck anymore. Seriously, I don't. He can either deal with it or gtfo. Not literally, but he has a bedroom that he can go to and sulk. I'M NOT TAKING THE ABUSE ANYMORE!

I'm also tossing most of my clothes. Any hesitation or conflictions as to if I want it or not and it's out. Dying my hair again since it's october. Looked at it in the mirror today and it made me grimace. Ew. I'd also like to get a shower tomorrow, if leon will let me anyway.

For now I need to go to bed. It's late and I'm nowhere near tired. It's going to be a long day tomorrow.

I'm also going to start sticking those picture thingies back in here, I know I haven't in awhile and that's sad.

Picture of the Day:
sketchy. Death
by ~KidNotorious on deviantART

Comments

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(Deleted comment)
schwarzkatze
Oct. 11th, 2008 07:44 am (UTC)
I didn't actually draw that. *is embarrised* I can't draw for crap. I used to hunt down and post pictures with my entries. It ended up dropping off though due to the fact that I started writing so late that by the time I got done I was too tired to take the two seconds it would take to find one that looked nice.

I'm hoping things will get better with this rewind too. Talked james into taking me out halloween shopping tomorrow while layton is gone. Layton can't stand the idea of it so I'm kinda doing this behind his back so he can't complain. :) I like being a cheezy-goth.
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