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I haven't been spending much time at home this week or weekend. Just monday, monday night and a tiny bit of tuesday. It's been kinda nice not being here because what little time has been spent here has been overly stressful since they're working on the house so much. It's thrown everything out of whack. Tomorrow and friday I will be working, so I'll be out of the house for the next two days as well. Tomorrow I'm going in at noon and on friday I will be in at 9:15. I'll have to get a ride from my grandparents to work tomorrow, and then home again on friday. Unless I plan on walking. Yech.

Layton is going to be working a lot too. He told me today after coming to james' for me, and we ended up staying there, that he is going to be working until 8 tomorrow. After that I'm sure he'll crash so I won't be talking to him much. The strike started today, and they wanted him to stay later but he said he really couldn't. He also told, while we were helping move james' room around, about how his grandma wants him to move chairs around on saturday. He said no, because he's going to be working his ass off, but she insisted and he gave in. From the sounds of it, she really didn't have to insist much at all. I told him, in essence, she should have been told to fuck off and die, but layton is much too nice of a guy to do that. It's stupid.

James' dad kinda scares me because he talks so much and is so nice. I... hate it when people pay attention to me. I noticed that I'm starting to get some OCD problems because of it. Like, if I'm in an area with stuff I'll start stacking and organizing. I was doing that with books and stuffed stuff on james' bed. Fixed his pillows that were half falling out of their cases and stacked them nicely on each other, stacked all his game cases and guides on top of each other and was just very fidgety. Played with kirby a little too. I feel bad for having anxieties and avoiding the gazes and questions of people, feels and is so fucking rude, but I don't know how else to be. It's not easy having it and having people ask me continuous questions. I need to make a hat that says, 'I have social anxiety disorder. Please ignore me. It makes me happy.' But I'm sure that would cause more problems than it would solve.

My sleeping lately has been total shit. I've been awake until 4 in the morning for god knows how many days and it's getting ridiculous. I'm going to take a melatonin pill tonight, if I can find one, and hopefully that will take care of it for at least tonight. I don't plan on staying up too late. Not past 11 I don't think, because I don't plan on talking to anyone. Probably a good thing.

Ok, porn part comes somewhere in here in case that's what you're searching for. I will first start off by saying I have porn on my zune. Henti to be specific but shhh, it's a secret so don't tell anyone. I spent the night at james' house last night. It was nice. I got some sort of sleep that I can't get here, and I always have fun around him. He teases me and calls me fat and says I'm mean, and then I'll 'get upset' and go pout and call him crazy and then he'll apologize for it and stuff like that. Helped him clean his room after I woke up the second or third time. Anyway, I was joking about porn and then pretending not to know what he was talking about when he would start probing about it, and then tattoo's came up and I ended up handing him my zune to show him some of the pictures I was talking about before I went back to cleaning. He started poking around on it, after he got done looking at my cat, and commented on how many videos I have on it. I didn't think much of it until I stopped hearing clicking coming from it, then I panicked. As I suspected he found my stuff. Didn't see much, they were just talking at the time, about breast milk and I had taken the headphones off so you couldn't hear anything from it, but he had found it. I was so embarrassed, and I couldn't get over it. But it got him to give me his which I've been trying to get him to let me see forever, half of it anyway, and he told me that I should watch it and then copy it to the computer. He said he was always afraid that I would judge him based on it, girls don't watch or like porn (in a general sense), but you would think that he would know that I can't [judge]. It's fucking henti and I'm fucking crazy. But he still seems to have these stereotypical girl/people views about me and refuses to believe otherwise until he sees it first hand. I don't watch porn, I'm going to find 4chan disturbing, I'm going to like him less for playing video games? Shit like that. Nope, sorry. If anything I think it would be he who would be disturbed by myself and want me to get the fuck away from him if he really knew and understood how deep the rabbit hole goes. And 4chan makes me giggle.

With his stuff he told me to keep in mind he doesn't get off to most of what would probably go on in it, I'll probably get off to everything he wouldn't. He also told me that I should watch it subbed because some of what they say is ridiculous, but that I'll have to see for myself.

Picture of the day: Light