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I want that cat to come sit next to me.

Cat plays furry grim reaper at nursing home

I am tired and stressed the fuck out. Found out today that mom did indeed block g4, we got the new dvr and finley was playing on it before she came back home, and so I flipped out at her for it. Mostly because she won't say why. Just sits there silently whenever I ask WHY. I told her that she was a fucking liar, that avoiding questions is the exact same (but she lied about it, said no she didn't know what happened to it, when I asked her in the past regardless) and to never EVER spout off any of her bullshit about how she never lies and hopes we never do the same as she has been doing over the past few days. And then I told her while she's at it blocking off half the tv, she might as well cut off spike and I'm going to go through and give her a list of channels and see how many she takes off.

Work has me stressed. Other than layton I've had minimal adult human contact for over a month now, and even less of it has been people I actually want to see, thanks to it and now I find out that while I have a whole week off next week I have to take my classes on saturday from 9 - 6. And I managed to get my hopes up a little before lunch that I would be able to get off work early so I could go down and visit with james a little more only to have them completely shatter when 3 more kids showed up right at, or shortly after lunch. Drama queen crismen being one of them. Him missing until then was fucking great. Once again he refused to eat his lunch and it was macaroni which he said yesterday he would eat, and his mom also said today that he would eat.

Sleep is sucking worse than ever. I thought I was going to be sick this morning with how bad it's been. Seems like I never get enough and when I am asleep I'm waking up every 2 or 3 hours.

See, the thing about me having a job, while it's nice, I can't do anything else but work. It's work, eat, sleep. I can't go out and I can't visit anyone and I know for a fucking fact (I've been doing this for 22 years you see) that no one would want to come up and visit me. I guess it's too much work or something because I have asked occasionally but always with no results, so I always have to go out and see everyone else. And I try to, try and go out or make plans that others could do with me, but it never works out. So eventually, 9 times out of 10, this causes my relationships in the outside world to fall to pieces.
And layton is excused from this because he's the only one who does and does regularly.

I'm trying really hard right now not to cry while the world crumbles. Trying to keep up a brave front but I think it's cracking.

Picture of the day: Waterfall

I'm tired guilt, I'm tired of crying.
I'm tired of work, and finished trying.
I'm tired of living, and scared of dying.
But there is nothing else.

I've been beat, I've been broken
I asked for a place, the world has spoken
I was asleep, but now that I've woken,
I preferred my dreams.

It will take great strength to pull me through,
This challenge unseen, which I must do.
To make a "me" I never knew,
But I'm already spent.